I've been making some progress packing, mostly books and files so far. How is it that two people can have this much stuff, and feel that they need it all? Let's not go there.
The past couple of days, I'm feeling a little stalled out on the whole project, mostly because I feel certain I have plenty of time to get everything done. So I've been walking, fnishing Louise Erdrich's The Round House, and writing on a project--a talk I have to give--for our Parish Renewal Team. Oh. And sitting outdoors.
My talk is on the subject of Renewal, and those times when my life has come completely apart at the seams, and somehow new life emerged as God put me back together, but in a different way. As things were stripped away from me, I discovered experientially that my "life" was never in those "things"--and with each experience of stripping away, with it went rigidity, perfectionism, pretense, and my false assumptions of life having to be a certain way.
When it's happening, you feel as though there's no future, no hope, no possibility. And then, slowly, you you begin to wake up and assess the damage. And you take baby steps toward what you need and want. And you begin to grow into the next thing, which is always something new.
I'm using Sara Grove's song, "Just Showed Up For My Own Life"--I love her music!
I'm also digging a little deeper into my Native American heritage and spirituality. Exploring my great grandmothers. Not a lot to go on, besides their names: Elizabeth, Mercy, Cordy, Sarah, Nancy. When I move, I want to make a grandmother rock circle around one of the trees. (I have some great rocks!)
One of which I brought back from Ghost Ranch in my backpack. When security at ABQ airport took a closer look (because of another item I was carrying), I said to the guy, "There's a big rock in there. Do you get much of that?" "Oh, yeah," he answered. "Rocks, fossils, sand. . ." It relieved my embarrassment. I brought back sand, too. . .
I try to not take it all for granted. We're only three weeks out from this move, will spend the 4th of July weekend in Minnesota, I have some spiritual direction appointments to keep up with, and don't want to lose track of the novel. . .and I go back to work on August 1st! I don't welcome the disruption the move will create, though I know it's necessary.
So, as in all things, I pray I don't lose my focus, that I give attention to what matters--usually the person that's in front of me--and that I will stay in touch with the Renewal that I know is real, that is part of my everyday life, moment to moment, no matter how demanding or disruptive. Oh, and while I'm at it, I think I'll try to not grasp or hold onto it all or control it too much.